I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's shark week go big or go home
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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