That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
