I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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