ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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