She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
