Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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