do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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