The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
