4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Plan B is the new Plan A
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
