I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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