He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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