i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
