I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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