True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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