After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
