I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We don't watch enough power rangers
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
