Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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