Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
