I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
