the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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