I hate your face
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
