we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
