Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
