I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love having hate sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
