last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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