I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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