he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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