I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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