I don't usually arrange sex via text message
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
