First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
