I puked a lego.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
