i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
