No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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