i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
