My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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