Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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