I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
