gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
