You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
