this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
