so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
