So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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