If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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