My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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