My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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