Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
