I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My ass is underappreciated
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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