I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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