Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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