when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
