dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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