I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
