the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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