i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
