i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
