I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
