also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My cat gives me a boner
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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