So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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