The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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