woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
