Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
