i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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