Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Life is so much better after having sex.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
