After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
