Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
