is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
