Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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