Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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