im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
