the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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