I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
