My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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