i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
