It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
