I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
