I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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