so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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