I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
