a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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