Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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