to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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