I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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